Damage: (Lakefield Book 5) Page 7

  “This is my fucking fault,” he whispered.

  I pushed hard at his chest. “No, it’s not. It was my shitty judgement. I had no idea that was going to happen, but it did. It’s done now. I’m fine.”

  “It’s not done by a long shot. He’s a dead man. Tell me who did it.”

  “No. Stop it. He didn’t get what he wanted, and that burned him enough. Just let it go.”

  He rubbed my back and chuckled. “Not on your life.”

  I rolled my eyes. Amazing. He was back in my life for a day, fired me, kissed me, told me he wanted me basically, and threatened to kill David.

  “Anyone else I need to kill?” he asked with a grumble.

  “No.”

  “What did he say to you?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Suzie, I will turn you over my lap and spank the shit out of you if you don’t give it up. He’s already a dead man, so telling me won’t change the outcome.”

  “Yeah, but it might make the difference between whether you take a crowbar to him first before you kill him.”

  “Noted,” he agreed with a growl.

  He wasn’t going to give up, so I tried stating things as delicately as possible. “He insinuated that the reason why we didn’t have sex was because I was heavy. Then he proceeded to suggest that I wasn’t going to succeed in life because I was a nobody. That’s it.”

  Cade shifted me off the desk and into his lap as he sat down in one of the chairs.

  He kissed the side of my face tenderly. “I’m sorry he told you those things. You know that’s not true, right?”

  “I know. He was just drunk and angry, and pretty much a moron.”

  “I should have been there for you. I shouldn’t have taken this job.”

  Sadness reflected in his eyes when they met mine. “It’s not your fault. We can’t go back and change things. It’s life.”

  “It should never be your life, though. I swear that it won’t ever be your life when this is done.”

  His lips grazed my cheek gently, and he whispered, “I promise you’ll never have to deal with fuckers like that again. You’re beautiful, sunshine. I’ve always seen what’s under that sass and sarcasm. You have a beautiful heart, and no one will ever get away with telling you that you’re nothing again. You’re somebody to me.”

  “It’s done. I didn’t listen to it.”

  “You waited six months?”

  “Yeah. Stupid I guess, but I just couldn’t get past it.”

  “If you ever did lose me, I want you to move on with your life,” he said. I opened my mouth to protest but he cut me off. “No. I want you to find someone that’ll treat you right. Someone that’ll see you the way I see you. I want you to be happy.”

  “You just said I wouldn’t have to worry about it.”

  He chuckled. “And you won’t. But if anything happens—”

  “Cade, I can’t do this. This is exactly what I don’t want to think about.”

  “Just promise me that you’ll find someone nice.”

  I huffed. “Okay. I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Turning toward the clock, he sighed. “There’s never enough time. I have to get you in a car and headed home.”

  I slid out of his lap and stood in front of him until he got up.

  His hands felt rough against my cheek as they skimmed over me.

  “I’m going to kiss you again.”

  “Probably a bad idea,” I said as I smirked up at him.

  “Hmm. No, it’s the best idea. I want you to know that you drive me insane. That you’re the sexiest fucking woman I’ve ever met. That when we’re together, and we will be together, that I’m going to touch every inch of you, kiss and suck and fuck every part of your body.”

  “What…” I started to say as he lifted me up again and returned us over to the same wall we were at before.

  “I just wanted to give you a warning, baby. Now, where were we?”

  He pressed his pelvis into me and gave me a wicked smile.

  I let out a gasp when I felt him start to harden from the contact.

  When he dipped to kiss to my neck, I let out a long moan that seemed to excite him. His hips rocked into mine on a hard thrust, and I was pinned so thoroughly to the wall that I wouldn’t have been able to escape if I’d wanted to.

  I squeezed my legs around him, and nearly came when he started rubbing against me.

  His mouth came back to mine and he gave me a gentle kiss against my sore lips.

  “When this is over, we’re not fucking around, pretty girl. It just has to end first, then we’re making this happen.”

  “Maybe,” I replied, looking at him. “Guess we’ll see when it’s over.”

  He gave me a sly smile before he spoke. “You’re mine.”

  Sliding out of his arms, until my feet touched the floor again, I gave him a frown. “I’m no one’s right now.”

  Giving me a thoughtful glance for a moment, he smirked. My stomach growled, and his eyes slid down my body.

  “Hungry?”

  I shrugged. “A little, it’s normal. If I get off a late shift like this, I always need a little something before I can sleep.”

  Stepping back, he considered me for a moment. Thoughts drifted across his face before he spoke again. “I don’t have to leave until tomorrow afternoon. Let’s go somewhere.”

  “Uhm…”

  His hand slid around my waist and turned me toward the door. “Food.”

  “All night diner?” I asked, not quite sure if I wanted to do this or not. I knew I needed to think, but it was hard not to take him up on the offer to spend a little more time with him.

  “I know a few. I don’t go out much this late, but occasionally I get the same way you do. Are you going to kill me if I order something healthy?”

  “Nah. Just don’t lecture me for eating pancakes or anything.”

  He gave me a nod. “Deal. Get moving.”

  Chapter Seven

  Sitting across from Cade in a booth was strange. Not only was he alive, but in my wildest imagination, I would never have pictured this. A random diner in Bakersville with a man that had been on my mind for the last few years. A man who had just kissed me senseless in an office in my hometown, and admitted that he’d thought of me often when we'd worked together. Not just thought about, but according to him, had been attracted to.

  My reality had shifted so much over the last few hours that I knew this was a moment in my life that I would never forget. My crush on him aside, even if we hadn’t ever been attracted to each other, this was a bizarre turn of events.

  I watched him as he read through the menu that I was already more than familiar with. Knowing what I wanted as soon as we walked in, gave me a chance to study him. How many times had I seen him without noticing that his left ear had a hole for an earring? How many times had I walked by him, worked with him, glanced at him without knowing that he had a small scar near his temple that peeked out from his hairline?

  Gazing at him like this was probably rude, but I couldn’t help it. I’d only seen him in dress shirts and suits over the years. Never in a t-shirt and jeans, looking so normal and unguarded. We'd shared a few laughs, some flirting, as much as a work environment would allow, but never a meal or a moment that would be fixed so permanently in my mind.

  And he was alive. Alive and not buried in a Lakefield cemetery. One that I’d visited a few times over the months, unsure of how to let go of him.

  In retrospect, it might have made me look like a fool if anyone had observed me. But standing there over his tombstone had given me something to cling to. Some remaining tangible thing that reminded me every time that he’d existed, that he hadn’t been a dream. It'd been comforting in a way, and yet desperately clingy, if it was possible to be that way with a dead man.

  Yet he wasn’t dead. He was sitting in front of me flipping the laminated menu over and frowning at the diner’s poor selection of healthy food.

  The lighting was ha
rsh, the parking lot littered with trash and debris. The employees dressed in uniforms the same yellow color of the tabletops. The patrons, a mix of late night partiers and truck drivers, with the exception of what appeared to be early morning risers.

  What strange event in the world had brought the two of us together in this moment? The exact time in my life when I needed him the most, needed to see his frowning face across from me.

  The thought that I needed him brought me up short. Was it that, or was it just that I’d missed him? For that matter, did I even really know him? Maybe the only reason that I’d found him interesting was that he’d given me a job that I was grateful for. Or that he seemed so clean. Not innocent, but more like he was one of the few people that I’d worked for that put in as much time as he asked from his employees. He did it with what seemed like a high ethical standard. In some fleeting moments, he even seemed honorable.

  The cheap fabricated table in front of us was likely cleaner than my past. It wasn’t that I thought he was untouched by life; he was too rough around the edges at times to ever think that. It was more of a feeling that he’d probably done things either out of a sense of duty or loyalty. Not like me, who had done things in desperation, clawed my way up out of multiple shithole experiences, and frequently made decisions that put me right back in the same hell holes.

  It was like I couldn’t move past something. Some barrier kept me circling in the same direction but never the right one. And now I wasn’t sure if he was the right direction either.

  His eyes flicked up and met mine as he put the menu down. They held, regarding me deeply, like he could tell what I was thinking without having to ask. Something in his eyes made me nervous and yet hopeful. Was this real?

  “Were you going to stare at me all night or help me out?” he smirked.

  “They have yogurt,” I blurted out. I shook my head, trying to get a hold of my idiotic brain to mouth malfunction. “I mean, if you’re looking for something healthy. Paired with some fruit, and you have a small meal.”

  His face scrunched for a second. It was the only way I would describe it. Not annoyed, but maybe half amused and resigned at the same time.

  “Hmm,” he said, narrowing his eyes at me. “Maybe pancakes wouldn’t be so bad.”

  I smiled then chuckled. “They’re terrible for you. Massive sugar rush from the syrup. And if you put peanut butter on them it’s like eating a Snickers.”

  He blinked at me. “Peanut butter? Is this a thing?”

  I shrugged and stared down at my hands on the table. “Just something my dad did sometimes when I was a kid. My mom hated it, I'd run around the house like a wild animal for about an hour, then pass out for a nap when I came down from the rush. The problem was, for that one hour, I was like a raving lunatic.”

  Glancing up at him, he appeared to be amused. “Remind me to feed that to every single child that the guys ever produce. Revenge is sweet. Would serve them right for all the wild shit they’ve put me through.”

  My smile slid just a little. “Yeah, if they don’t kill you for playing dead. I think you might owe them one on this.”

  He shook his head and looked through the window beside our table. “Believe me, they probably deserve far worse than a riled-up kid running around the house.”

  The silence stretched between us while I waited on him to continue. His face seemed to tense for a moment, then it was gone.

  “How well do you know the guys?” he asked, sliding his gaze back to mine.

  “Uhm, mainly just from the girls, and waiting on your table for those once a month lunches at Muse. Not much in terms of being close to them. I guess I know Logan the most. He’s always talkative and gives good advice.”

  He nodded. “They’re a bunch of pranksters at heart. But they’ve all had some serious issues at one point or another, even Logan. I would say I’ve been the closest to Holden over the years since we were both in the Marines. Something about going through that particular branch and seeing as much combat as we did changes a person fundamentally. Not that the other guys didn’t see their fair share, especially Logan.”

  “Do you regret it?”

  He gave my question some thought for a moment. “I’m not sure you can regret something that was your life from the moment you were born. The question is, did I have a choice and if so, why did I choose one path over another?”

  “You weren’t a Marine when you were born, though.”

  “True, but I lived in a house with a man who was. So, the choice to be one or not wasn’t really a choice, when you have it rammed down your throat every day since the moment you can walk.”

  “So again, do you regret it?”

  He shook his head. “Never. It gave me direction, purpose and a family that made far more sense than the one I left at home when I joined.”

  Opening my mouth to ask another question, I was interrupted by the waitress that came to our table.

  “So, have you decided on anything?” the older woman asked. She appeared tired, and a lot like my mom did, after getting home from a long shift working the same type of diners for most of her life.

  “Pancakes for two. Side of peanut butter and six bacon strips,” Cade answered.

  She wrote everything down as I grinned at Cade. “You’ll never get to sleep if you’re going to try it.”

  He shrugged, ordered a water for both of us and the waitress left.

  “You’ve peaked my curiosity. Speaking of which, what made you move to Lakefield from this place? Seems like a pretty big change.”

  I squirmed for a moment and debated whether I should excuse myself to go to the bathroom in order to stall. But it was a fair question given the one I’d just been about to ask him.

  “Eh, it’s a sordid tale.”

  He continued to stare at me, without any change to his expression. Our waters were delivered, and I took a sip of mine while enduring his scrutiny.

  Sighing, I decided to answer. “I moved because of my fiancé at the time. We broke it off, and I stayed since I liked it there and didn’t want to go home.”

  “And?”

  “And that’s it. I was young and ran off with my boyfriend.”

  “That’s not everything. Especially if it’s a sordid tale. I’ll find out eventually, you might as well tell me.”

  Giving him a small frown, I continued but couldn’t meet his eyes as I explained. Looking at anything but his face, I answered, “He cheated on me while I was pregnant and rather than face my father who told me he was an asshole in the first place, I stayed in Lakefield.”

  Cade frowned. “You have a kid?”

  “No. I lost the baby. I’m not really sure what happened, but it was in the first couple of months.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said, as my eyes swung back to him. He genuinely looked as if he was.

  “Me too. But that was years ago. If we’re the sum product in this moment of our past experiences, then I don’t regret a single thing that happened. I may not have been able to say that last year or even the year before, but I’ve come to realize in the last few months that the things that drag you down the most are sometimes not so bad in the long run.”

  “You sound like Kate,” he chuckled. “She seems to have the same philosophy.”

  “Probably. And she might have even said it before to me. But she’s right if that’s the case.”

  We were both silent for a moment and I wondered what he thought about me. He was likely used to dealing with women that didn’t have emotional baggage like that in their pasts.

  “Can you still have kids?”

  I nodded as our food got to the table. “As far as I know. But that whole thing happened, and I haven’t thought about it since then. Well, that’s not true, I’ve thought about it. I’m just determined not to dwell on it. At the time it was pretty devastating.”

  “The guy was a dick,” he growled. “Did you love him?”

  I blinked at his tone. He sounded pissed off about the thought that I might
have. His eyes bored into me as if the answer might make him even angrier.

  Carefully, I said, “When you’re young, you make a lot of mistakes. I think I was looking for someone to fulfill some fantasy, of what I thought I wanted in life.”

  “That’s not really an answer.”

  “I thought I was at the time. I—”

  “Fucker didn’t deserve you.”

  “You’re right, he didn’t. No argument there.”

  He sighed. “Was he at least upset about the baby?”

  “Uhm…” I stalled, not really knowing how much he really wanted to hear about this. “I lost the baby the same day I caught him cheating. So, no. It was years ago, though, and I’m more interested in these pancakes.”

  “Conversation isn’t over, pretty girl, but I’ll let it go for now.”

  Sighing, I nodded. I had no doubt that we would be talking about it again sometime, but for now we didn’t have to drag it out in the open and hash through it. It was the past, it deserved to stay there.

  He eyed the pancakes, then gave me a funny look while wiggling his eyebrows. “I’m going in.”

  Watching him spread the peanut butter on then dousing the stack of pancakes with syrup was funny. Suppressing the urge to laugh, I prepped mine the same way. When neither of us took a bite, we gave each other a look, and dove in at the same time.

  I chewed, as I watched his expression change from shock, to one of surprised enjoyment.

  “You’re right, that shit is just like a Snickers bar. I can feel my arteries curling up into the fetal position and crying for mercy.”

  I burst out laughing, and promptly clamped a hand over my mouth when some of the other customers glanced over at me. Cade stared at me, amused as he chewed on some bacon.

  When my laughter finally faded I shook my head. “Jesus, that was hilarious. And you’re eating bacon. I doubt the pancakes are the only thing that are making your arteries scream.”

  He laughed, a low rumble that wasn’t nearly as loud as mine. “If I’m going to blow my healthy living, might as well really overdo it all at once.”

  “So…” I started to say, before his hand reached across the table to wipe something from the corner of my mouth.